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Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
I'm Only Jesus
Tonight as I was unenthusiastically tackling my mountain of clean laundry, I decided to turn on my ipod to help make the chore less terrible. I turned on the new Tim McGraw CD "Southern Voice," and as I was listening to a song, the words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never really paid attention to this song before tonight.
I'm Only Jesus
Bobby's got a duster '79
Bottle of Jack and a 45
Points it at his head
And he starts to cry,
To proud to ask me to save his life.
Billy's in a limo
On the upper east side
Playing Russian Roulette
With the long white line
His wife gets a call at 3 am
Saying Billy aint never coming home again
She asks me why?
And I said,
I sure wish you'd believe
That everybody's free
And I'll help you if you ask me to,
I gave every star a name
The sunshine and the rain
But I can't decide the road you choose
That's up to you
I'm only Jesus
Johnny had a good job
Rakin' it in
Cavier parties
With his well to do friends
Something was missing
From his perfect little life
He threw in the towel
And he called me one night
Betty was an orphan
Like so many kids
They taught her in school
That I didn't exist
She had every reason not to talk to me
But every night before bed
She got down on her knees
Just to tell me Hi
And I said,
I'm sure glad you believe
Cause everybody's free
And I'll help you if you ask me to,
I gave every star a name
The sunshine and the rain
But I can't decide the road you choose
That's up to you
I'm only Jesus
Hey you're all the same to me
Everybody's free
And I'll help you if you ask me to,
I gave every star a name
The sunshine and the rain
But I can't decide the road you choose
That's up to you
I'm only Jesus
I'm only Jesus...
I'm only Jesus...
Anyone who really knows me knows that ever since my baby Amber died, I have REALLY struggled with religion. There are many reasons for this, but the important thing is that for a long time I have wanted to find some way to get back to being the person I used to be. Actually that would be true of almost any grieving parent, and that isn't possible. When a person suffers this kind of a loss, it is truly devastating, and it ALWAYS changes him or her. There is never any hope of going back. BUT I do have hope that there may be some way to at least get one part of my old self back, that being my strong spirituality. I have never doubted that I knew with a 100% certainty where my child is and what her mission is. I have also never doubted that she is happy there. So the question is, as a mother, why can't I find peace knowing she has achieved the highest place in heaven anyone can ever hope for? Why, knowing that, have I turned away from my Lord? For several months, I have felt pushed up against a huge invisible, immovable wall. I have begged to have that wall removed from my path, while not really putting forth any real effort on my side. This is why the above mentioned song has struck me so strongly. In particular, the words
"I can't decide the road you choose, That's up to you, I'm only Jesus"
speak volumes to me. A big fat slap upside the head for sure, but at the same time, this has truly been the most difficult trial that I have ever been called to endure. My choice has to now be, "which road do I choose?" I am so grateful to have received an answer to my prayer, and the fact that it came in the form of a country song, I know God knows me, and He loves me. :) Now I just pray for the strength to choose the right road.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Halloween 2009
This year we had a fun Halloween. Nicole dressed up as a vampire. She is totally obsessed with the Twilight books and movies, and so this was an easy choice. She did not end up spending Halloween night here, this year she was invited to a friends house for the night. I missed her but she had fun trick or treating and watching movies with her friend. :) This photo was taken last week, before her first jr high dance! :)
Alex was also very excited this year. He dressed up like MJ and I took him to see This Is It. He wore his costume to the theatre and we really had a fun time. The movie was a great one too, I will definitely be buying the DVD. Here he is, doing his "This Is It" pose:
Last was our lil Woody. Nicole wore this costume when she was 4, and when I pulled out the box he got excited, so thats what he was. He was so fun to watch this year because he really was able to get into the whole thing for the first time.
We went to the Outlet Mall mostly because its been tradition, but I dont think we will be doing that many more years. Most of the stores are gone now, and it just was not as fun as it used to be. Eric took the boys out in the neighborhood, and Eadie and Caleb came to say hello. We did our best to appear scary but I think all we managed was to look pretty goofy...
Eric did our pumpkins this year with a little help from Nicole and Alex. I was pretty impressed with his talent!!
Alex was also very excited this year. He dressed up like MJ and I took him to see This Is It. He wore his costume to the theatre and we really had a fun time. The movie was a great one too, I will definitely be buying the DVD. Here he is, doing his "This Is It" pose:
Last was our lil Woody. Nicole wore this costume when she was 4, and when I pulled out the box he got excited, so thats what he was. He was so fun to watch this year because he really was able to get into the whole thing for the first time.
We went to the Outlet Mall mostly because its been tradition, but I dont think we will be doing that many more years. Most of the stores are gone now, and it just was not as fun as it used to be. Eric took the boys out in the neighborhood, and Eadie and Caleb came to say hello. We did our best to appear scary but I think all we managed was to look pretty goofy...
Eric did our pumpkins this year with a little help from Nicole and Alex. I was pretty impressed with his talent!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Snow!
Today we are having our first heavy snow of the season! I am pretty excited!! Here are a few photos! I hope we have a snowy winter!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Its been a long time...
I am a bad blogger lately! A dear friend reminded me yesterday that I have not updated my blog in months, so here I am! Things are good around here, we are all still chugging along!
Eric and I celebrated our 12th anniversary this month, and we went to Winter Park, and then drove back home over Trail Ridge. It was really neat to see because we usually don't go up there so late in the season. I especially enjoyed the fall colors!
Nicole started 6th grade at Bill Reed this fall, and she loves it. I had a hard time sending her there because she is so small and the rest of those kids look so old, but despite some organizational issues she is holding her own. I've worried about her, but I suppose thats normal for me! She started reading the Twilight series, and has finished 3 books out of the 4 already. Her favorite character is Alice, and she wanted to cut her hair like Alice has hers, and this is how it came out. Alice's hair is styled so it sticks out, and we are working on that! In the meantime, I just love being able to see her eyes! :)
Alex started 3rd grade and is doing great. He just showed me a test he took last week in math that he got 100% on. He is now a huge Michael Jackson fan! Here is a picture of him and some friends at field day October 2nd.
Ethan turned three years old last week, I think time has gone by way too fast. He had a fun birthday, and it was fun to watch him, now that he is old enough to realize what is going on, and be into the opening presents and candles on the cake thing! Eric got him a super cute Lightening McQueen RC car.
Auntie made him a Diego cake! And Grandma gave him a tool set that he absolutely loves. :)
Eric and I celebrated our 12th anniversary this month, and we went to Winter Park, and then drove back home over Trail Ridge. It was really neat to see because we usually don't go up there so late in the season. I especially enjoyed the fall colors!
Nicole started 6th grade at Bill Reed this fall, and she loves it. I had a hard time sending her there because she is so small and the rest of those kids look so old, but despite some organizational issues she is holding her own. I've worried about her, but I suppose thats normal for me! She started reading the Twilight series, and has finished 3 books out of the 4 already. Her favorite character is Alice, and she wanted to cut her hair like Alice has hers, and this is how it came out. Alice's hair is styled so it sticks out, and we are working on that! In the meantime, I just love being able to see her eyes! :)
Alex started 3rd grade and is doing great. He just showed me a test he took last week in math that he got 100% on. He is now a huge Michael Jackson fan! Here is a picture of him and some friends at field day October 2nd.
Ethan turned three years old last week, I think time has gone by way too fast. He had a fun birthday, and it was fun to watch him, now that he is old enough to realize what is going on, and be into the opening presents and candles on the cake thing! Eric got him a super cute Lightening McQueen RC car.
Auntie made him a Diego cake! And Grandma gave him a tool set that he absolutely loves. :)
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Lily Ridge
Since it was in the 90s in town, we decided to seek relief in the hills (no A/C at home), and thought a walk around Lily Lake would be fun. Although we attempted Lily Mountain in the past, we have never walked around the lake, so we thought we'd try that today. When we got to the trailhead, which is across the street (CO Hwy 7) from the Twin Sisters trailhead, we realized there was a ridge we could climb that went high above the lake and would only add about a quarter mile to our distance.
Lily Ridge switchbacks and gains altitude quickly. Some of the steps were too high for Ethan, so I had to pick him up over those. The smell of pine was strong, and I was glad we took the ridge route since the pine smell was nearly gone next to the lake. There were plenty of rocks along the trail for Nicole and Alex to boulder on.
It was 93 in Loveland at 5000 ft elevation, but not much cooler with 86 degrees at the 8930 ft elevation of Lily Lake. We didn't think we needed water, but that was a mistake. I began to be concerned for Ethan since he was flushed and was saying "I'm firsty." When the ridge route connected with the route around the lake, we returned to the trailhead along the north shore rather than the longer way around the south shore. Alex had fun wading in the lake for a moment when we returned to the trailhead, which meant Nicole and Ethan had to follow suit!
The views were wonderful. We could still see quite a bit of snow on The Loft connecting Mt Meeker and Longs. Lily Mountain mocked us from above (we missed the turn the last time we tried to summit Lily Mountain), and we reminisced about our summit of Estes Cone a couple of years earlier, which is also nearby. I was telling Nicole how I carried Ethan on my back in a baby carrier when he was not quite 1 when we climbed Estes Cone as a family, and every time I would stop for a breather, Ethan would reach around and bop me in the head to get me walking again. I felt like a pack horse, but it was still funny that he was doing that.
Perhaps because of the heat, when we returned to Loveland, Ethan crashed on the couch, I crashed for a little bit on the couch in the basement, and Jamie napped in bed for about two hours! It was nice to get out of the city for a time.
Lily Ridge switchbacks and gains altitude quickly. Some of the steps were too high for Ethan, so I had to pick him up over those. The smell of pine was strong, and I was glad we took the ridge route since the pine smell was nearly gone next to the lake. There were plenty of rocks along the trail for Nicole and Alex to boulder on.
It was 93 in Loveland at 5000 ft elevation, but not much cooler with 86 degrees at the 8930 ft elevation of Lily Lake. We didn't think we needed water, but that was a mistake. I began to be concerned for Ethan since he was flushed and was saying "I'm firsty." When the ridge route connected with the route around the lake, we returned to the trailhead along the north shore rather than the longer way around the south shore. Alex had fun wading in the lake for a moment when we returned to the trailhead, which meant Nicole and Ethan had to follow suit!
The views were wonderful. We could still see quite a bit of snow on The Loft connecting Mt Meeker and Longs. Lily Mountain mocked us from above (we missed the turn the last time we tried to summit Lily Mountain), and we reminisced about our summit of Estes Cone a couple of years earlier, which is also nearby. I was telling Nicole how I carried Ethan on my back in a baby carrier when he was not quite 1 when we climbed Estes Cone as a family, and every time I would stop for a breather, Ethan would reach around and bop me in the head to get me walking again. I felt like a pack horse, but it was still funny that he was doing that.
Perhaps because of the heat, when we returned to Loveland, Ethan crashed on the couch, I crashed for a little bit on the couch in the basement, and Jamie napped in bed for about two hours! It was nice to get out of the city for a time.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Well the birthday week is once again over! Wednesday the 8th, Nicole turned 11 and today Alex turned 8! We had a busy week, and it was a lot of fun.
First off, the girls. We did Amber's balloons and roses in the am, like every year, and then we went to the park with Aunt Dawn and Eadie. Grandma Deb and Nikki Acton met us there as well. We had a really fun time, but it was HOT that day! After we came home from the park, I ended up with a migraine, so I had to spend the afternoon sleeping it off. At dinnertime, we went to Fazolis and then Nicole had her friend Brett Keddington spend the night. It was a happy day for my girl, and I am glad for that! Here are a few pics from that day:
Alex also had a fun birthday but I don't have photos to upload yet! I will have to post that tomorrow. SOMEONE broke my camera last month and I have no money to replace it right now. As a result, I had to use my camera phone and Eadie took some pics with her camera, which I have yet to see. Check back later for more!!
First off, the girls. We did Amber's balloons and roses in the am, like every year, and then we went to the park with Aunt Dawn and Eadie. Grandma Deb and Nikki Acton met us there as well. We had a really fun time, but it was HOT that day! After we came home from the park, I ended up with a migraine, so I had to spend the afternoon sleeping it off. At dinnertime, we went to Fazolis and then Nicole had her friend Brett Keddington spend the night. It was a happy day for my girl, and I am glad for that! Here are a few pics from that day:
Alex also had a fun birthday but I don't have photos to upload yet! I will have to post that tomorrow. SOMEONE broke my camera last month and I have no money to replace it right now. As a result, I had to use my camera phone and Eadie took some pics with her camera, which I have yet to see. Check back later for more!!
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